I’m reading the secret life of bees, and i got to part that involves a kiss and the feelings you get inside and love.  I think of love often and the funny way it works. I think of myself in love – an idea that I can’t figure out if I’m scared of it or if I’m just really over it. I think of abstractly. I thought of it abstractly. Until last Sunday, when I learned that he was here.

This is my new little brother, I call him baby k. it’s crazy, I found out about him on sunday (even though he was born last tuesday), i got a picture of him on Monday and I fell in love with him exactly three seconds later.  Every time I look at this picture (which is all day since it’s my blackberry background), I smile.  That is love.  That is something I haven’t been able to feel in a very long time.

Ours is not a traditional family.  Every additional sibling is a total surprise.  My father, as it turns out, is incredibly fertile, as are the women he chooses to date.  Unlike my other siblings from my father, I have been expecting Baby K for a few months now.  His mother is pretty stable, so I’m sure I can maintain a strong relationship with him.  I wish I could say that was the case with my other siblings

especially her. My little sister.  I have seen her only once, when she was born. I felt like this when she was born.  Although I was much younger then, I couldn’t help but smile to look at her, to think of her, to dream of her.

And then she was gone.  Due to circumstances out of her (and my) control, she was adopted.  Her adoptive family left the country back in the 90′s and my father has not done the best job of keeping track of where she is.

I miss the tiny baby I met for a few moments.  I wonder what kind of woman she is turning into.  I wonder how she would look at Baby K.  I’m sure she couldn’t keep herself from smiling.

peace,
e.