Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

the good, the bad and the ugly: Rihanna and Chris Brown

I’ve been holding off on commenting on this for a while, but since people are asking, here’s my two cents.

the good
well, some light is being shed on domestic violence in the black community.  We are actually acknowledging it exists and speaking about it with our friends.  We are seeing that it can happen to anyone and we are seeing a lot of people talking out how this has affected them personally – men and women.  And hopefully, we will see a beautiful young woman strong enough to walk away and a young man secure enough to get some real help and learn to deal with his issues.

the bad
Most likely we won’t.  And it will be heartbreaking to see them together again, and more heartbreaking when he does this again.  I understand that it is not easy to walk away from an abusive relationship.  I know even when women leave it is emotionally draining to press charges.

the ugly
The way young people are reacting to this situation.  Reading the comments on Black gossip sites and on Rihanna and Chris’s myspace pages is horrifying.  Some young people think this is ok.  Some people think being provoked is a reason to beat a woman (this comes straight from Chris’s sister AND cousin).

So what do you guys think?


h/t: postbougie, ill doctrine, huffington post

p.s. dope vid courtesy of ill doctrine

good news about love

Apparently it can last a lifetime, according to CNN and the researchers at Stony Brook University in New York. *phew* What a relief.

And I’m totally not being sarcastic.

Previous research has suggested that the first stages of romantic love fade within 15 months and after 10 years it has gone completely, the newspaper said.

“The findings go against the traditional view of romance — that it drops off sharply in the first decade — but we are sure it’s real,” said Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook, told the Sunday Times.

Lately, love has felt so unattainable.  You see lovers move on.  Or lovers who can’t move on and seem destined to be alone forever.  I’m glad there is research to confirm my idealized vision of love.

That is all, night folks.


“Beggars can’t be choosers”

is what he said to me over dinner. Beggers (black women) can’t be choosers (about who they date). Because after, it’s supply and demand baby. Educated, financially stable Black men are in high demand and Black women shouldn’t expect to get one. We should take whatever we can get and be happy.

In an earlier conversation he compared the future to the Matrix 2, where everyone looked liked us – you know, light skinned, not Black or White.  Everyone had been mixed and that was the future and “Black women are holding up evolution by being the only ones trying to stick to their race.”

I’m sorry, but does this sound crazy to anyone else but me?

Here’s what we all know:  The number of never-married Black women has doubled in the past 50 years (it’s around 45%).  The number of married Black women has decreased substantially in the past 50 years.  Quite frankly, this graph freaks me out. 

My boss said that this was a crass way of discussing the lower prospects of an educated black women getting married. Fine and fair enough. That drama has been widely written about and every Black women knows that the more education she gets the less likely she is to get married. That’s depressing – chose between education and men. whomp whomp.

What’s really disturbing me is that lately I have heard some black men (not a lot but enough) exploiting this situatuion. They are exploiting the fact that there are so few educated, financially secure Black men with no children by cheating on their girlfriends and not worrying because “she won’t find anything better.” And what’s more depressing is that some women are subscribing to this notion.

For me, if it comes to having a Black man who won’t respect me and being single, I’m going to have to choose single. Or I’m going to have to choose to date outside my race. But whatever my decision, I sure as hell won’t be begging as I do it.


source: The Joint Center