Anyway, B and her boo break up. She’s fine with it, we both continue to work on our PhDs. Then one day B comes in my office and tells me she’s met someone and she likes him. He’s also a student but in a different school within our university – actually in religion, which is totally not B’s thing. She also tells me he has a history (read: marriage and a kid). I clutch my pearls, I mean, this would be her second major relationship. But she’s so happy, which makes me so happy. She says “It feels right,” and I smiled. I mean, what would I have said anyway, she was so happy. I keep my doubts to myself.

A few weeks later and her boo is in my office.  Official introductions are made even though we both heard of each other already.  He’s cool, I approve, we joke about baking cookies.

Fast forward a few weeks, and B walks in and announces she is going to marry her new man. I laugh and say “ok.” But the look in face tells me it’s more than an empty assertion, she is going to marry him. “In September.” Uhm, that’s like two months away, but hey, who am I to tell her what to do with her life? They’ve talked it over. She admits that yes, it sounds crazy, which comforts me because at least she gets why I’m giving her the crazy eye s.

She tells me of plans to bring him to meet her parents and how she will meet his parents in the upcoming months. Everything is moving right along. After visiting her parents, they decide to postpone the wedding until December. And even though December is still way within a calendar year of them meeting, this seems much more realistic.  She’s still really happy, there are no problems in love land. I think to myself, this never happens in real life.

Another few weeks and she’s met his mother. Her mother and his mother get along, she loves the family, all is great in the world. She announces that she’s getting married next Tuesday, they’re back on the original time line. In fact, they’ve already filled out the first part of their marriage license paper work. They are ready to go.

I ask what happened, why the change? And her response was so simple, “What am I waiting for?”

In fact, most of the time when we talk about him, she often asked “What am I waiting for?” And I started thinking about my own life. I’ve been mulling around with an idea to write a book but procrastinating on that. At that point, I clearly wasn’t writing the paper that I needed to be writing. I kept putting everything off because I felt like I needed to wait for something (I still have no idea of what I’m waiting on most of the time), but I had to ask myself, what in the world was I waiting for?

I couldn’t think of a good answer, so I got going on what I wanted to to do. Started the book, finished the paper. And it felt good.  And it feels good.

B got married to her boo that next Tuesday. I saw her that Thursday, she was talking to my boss about a paper they were writing together, I couldn’t help but noticed how relaxed she was. I couldn’t contain my excitement and was trying to be cool because I didn’t know who she told, but I busted in and interrupted their meeting.

“So did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“You know, what you said you were going to do on Tuesday?”
“What did I do on Tuesday?”
“Fool, did you get married?!”
“Oh yeah. I got married! (to me) I got married! (to my boss, who just laughed because this scene is now totally ridiculous).

So B got married, I finally turned in my paper (and passed my class, praise baby Jesus) and I’m working on the book, which I’m sure you’ll hear a lot about this year. And we all lived happily every after.

peace,
e.

enjoy,
e.

Last night I watched the premiere of Real Chance of Love.  Yes, the show is as terrible as its title and horrendous wardrobe.  Who dresses theses guys?!

But please slip me the number of real’s hair dresser because I WISH my hair had that shine.

At any rate, the show is basically Flavor of Love (my fav) but with two clowns and too many angry women.  The black women were so angry.  The white women were so “color blind.”  The show was absolutely ridiculous but one part struck me, the mandatory “I’m not here for friends” line that somehow turned into a really huge fight.  It went like this.

White woman: We should be buddies.
Black woman: I’m not here for friends.
White woman: Ok *walks away*
Black woman immediately starts talking shit to other women about how the White women wanted to be friends.  She threw in the “She’s here for the wrong thing, she’s not real” line and the others giggle.
White women: *over hearing this (because of course the Black woman was extra loud)* Are you talking about me?
Black woman (yelling): YES! I AM NOT HERE FOR FRIENDS!

Uhm, what in the world?   Don’t believe me, watch it here. That was annoying.  What was more disturbing to hear it in real life in my office yesterday.  Someone was in my office and we were talking about the drama that is grad school and she told me she didn’t have any friends at school.  She then named three women who are acquaintances and was really proud of her self.

“I’m not here for friends,” she said as she leaned back in here, a proud smile pasted on her face. [editor's note: edited b/c it was causing drama in my real life]

Ladies, lemme break something down for you.  You need friends. You need friends at school, you need friends at work,  you need friends in your life.  I know this macho “I don’t need friends” bs makes you feel like you’re an independent woman, but for real, you sound foolish.

Why do you need friends? Well besides the fact that friends are awesome, they can benefit you.  You can study with your friends at school.  Friends at work can help you with your projects, they can keep you from putting your foot in your mouth at meetings.  Friends at both can support you when people start acting crazy (it’s inevitable).  I love friends.

If the friends at work and school aren’t awesome, perhaps you aren’t choosing them wisely.  The office gossip, probably not the one you should be a bff with.  The loud mouth who’s always playing people in class, while funny, is not the one that you want to share your insecurities with.

Choose wisely and please make some friends.

peace,
e.

crossposted at SASSY