Tag: employment

write your heart out, part 1

My friend started a new blog, so I checked it out.  Immediately I was struck by how raw and open she was.  People often don’t put themselves all the way out there, mainly because it’s hard and it’s risky, but she did and I was so inspired that I just wanted to write and write.  And so I did write, on my secret blog and my 750 words.  My secret blog was created because I wanted a space to write about my shenanigans that wouldn’t impact me professionally, it’s where my fun writing happens.  But due to recent health issues, it’s turned more into a place where I am trying to process my diagnosis and changes that I need to make to stay healthy.  I’ve been dabbling about whether to write about it here or not.  The books say not to because it could impact whether someone hires you or not, and that’s a valid point, but seeing as how both of my bosses know what’s going on, (and because I never listen to anyone), I’m gonna talk about it here. (sorry mom)

About a month ago, I was diagnosed with MS.  It was a surprise, and according to my friends, I took it like a champ. In the beginning I read a lot of books on it but they scared me, badly.   So I stopped and read Hunger Games over and over again.   After I got over the initial shock, to be honest I’m still doing that, I decided to look at MS as the kick in the butt that I desperately need to actually (finally) start living my life.  I mean, at my 30th birthday tea party, most of the advice I got was to let go and live.  Stop waiting for whatever it is that I’m always waiting for and just live my life.  So I’m trying.

If anything, I think my diagnosis has inspired my mother to live better.  We took a vacation, something neither of us has done in years.  We have more plans to travel.  She’s gone to a trainer and is trying to eat better.  It’s like  my health issues are the kick in the butt she needed to finally start taking care of her health. It’s a pleasant surprise.

There’s so much I’ve wanted to say, like how Sharon Obsborne’s over emotional reaction to her son being diagnosed with MS doesn’t help and actually scares me, like how my own mother has turned into super mom and while I appreciate and am thankful for her love and attention it stresses me out and drives me crazy, like how I’m thankful that my brother doesn’t really get what’s happening because I don’t look or feel sick, like how it’s hard to care about other people’s problems because everything seems petty and stupid to me now, how having a disease that’s mainly controlled by how well you hand stress is perhaps that worst thing that I could have and I can’t identify with the word “disabled”.   And so much I didn’t want to say, like how I hate waking up every morning because something might not be working or be randomly hurting (like it did last week), how I don’t really want to meet anyone else with this or hear about their stories, or how the combination of a breakup with this diagnosis makes me feel totally broken sometimes.

It’s weird because this is something that I don’t want to define me but it’s taken over my life.  I have to now plan my weeks around this medication that may or may not make me sick for an entire day.  It’s made me incredibly aware of my body and how my emotions reflect themselves physically – I’m more aware of how tense my shoulders get when I’m a little stressed and if I get very stressed my left eye gets blurry.

I also wanted to write this because I wanted to publicly thank my friends for being so amazing through all this.  Whenever I need an ear, a dinner date or a drinking buddy they have been there.  When I had to have a catheter and steroids through iv, they were there.  When I pinched my nerve, they were there.  When I was diagnosed, they were there.  When I had meltdowns or fright attacks about the future, they patiently listened.  On one of the message boards, someone said MS shows you who your real friends are, and they weren’t lying.  Thankfully, I already knew who they were and now I just love them even more, if that’s even possible.

This is supposed to be my space and it felt wrong to not be able to use it as I want to.  So, that’s what I’m doing.  part 2 is on the secret blog. 

peace,
e.


Missing Men

Yesterday the Boston Globe had an interesting article on the absence of men, in particular Black men, in antipoverty policy. Children have always been considered “deserving poor” because they are largely helpless, and women have long been considered deserving because their plight was usually the result of widowdom. For the most part, Americans have taken care of the “deserving poor” not necessarily through the best means available (read: poorhouses) but nonetheless, the intention was to create a better living situation, and hopefully better life chances, for those in social programs.

The icon of the “undeserving poor,” by contrast, has always been the able-bodied man. Although some programs in the New Deal and the War on Poverty provided them with jobs and training, social welfare policy has otherwise largely ignored men. One practical reason is that as a rule, aid to children – the paragons of vulnerability – has been channeled through mothers. Equally potent, though, is the longstanding cultural belief that men, barring economic disasters, should be able to take care of themselves. Today, especially, low-income men have an image problem. Many are convicts and “deadbeat dads,” widely seen as deserving blame, not bailouts.

But according to a new wave of thinking, the next front in the fight against poverty should consist of policies aimed at these very individuals. Experts say that poor men, caught in profound economic and social changes, now number among society’s most vulnerable members. The economy has shifted its weight to the service sector, shedding the manufacturing jobs that once offered low-skilled men the promise of good wages to support their families. Alarming percentages of poor men – disproportionately African-Americans – pass through the criminal justice system, further undercutting their employability. And child support laws have driven them deep into debt.

I must admit, this is probably the first time I’ve seen mainstream media consider these men vulnerable. Let’s just take a little look at the many systems that keep Black men in poverty.

  • * education – If CNN didn’t beat this into the ground, the high school drop out rate for African Americans is now up to 50%. We all know that not obtaining a college degree, let alone a high school degree, significantly decreases one’s lifetime earnings.
  • * incarceration – you send a Black man to jail and his likelihood of finding employment to sustain him, let alone and his family, drops at an incredible rate.
  • * child support - I’m not advocating that men don’t pay, but simple changes will make it much easier for men to pay. For example, if we stop considering incarceration “voluntary unemployment” and stop adding onto the principal while men are in jail, this would make their arrears repayment much easier upon their release. Or instead of taking out the entire amount of arrears from a man’s paycheck (and leaving with him with nothing in that paycheck), we should leave enough money for men to support themselves.
  • * lack of low skill labor – this has been a problem since the 1970′s and employment is becoming more technical and analytical. Low education and low skill men are going to continue to have a hard time finding a job that provide liveable wages and any sort of benefits. That said, low skill jobs are not going to return. We need to educate these men and provide them with the skills to compete in today’s workforce.

The article points to many initiatives to help these men – most through financial incentives. That makes sense, a major reason men turn to crime is financial, however, this has been met with resistance.

In certain quarters, these ideas have generated controversy. Conservative critics oppose the expenditures, while others, especially feminists, fear that limited antipoverty funding could be diverted from poor women, who are by and large still struggling to raise the kids. From this perspective, the question is, why should men who have shirked their obligations be rewarded with assistance?

“If men were taking responsibility for their children, they would be receiving benefits,” says Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization for Women.

These objections underscore one of the central challenges of any strategy designed to benefit poor men. Although policy analysts describe them as among the most vulnerable citizens in contemporary America, they are commonly viewed as more menacing than helpless. Many of them have broken laws and are severely alienated from mainstream society. The new proposals raise the question: How can you justify devoting scarce resources to helping people who most Americans see as culpable for many of their own – and society’s – problems?

And there’s the problem. Even though they need a lot of help, men are not considered deserving. And in some cases, ok a lot of cases, men are directly responsible for their current situation. I get frustrated when I see men refuse to acknowledge their role in their predicament and instead blame the system or “the man.” Yes, there are systems at work against you but you dropped at of high school, committed a crime, etc., etc. I question the effectiveness of a program if a man cannot accept the role his decisions have made on his situation, and also how those decisions affect others – his children, his babymama, his family, and his community.

And before you get all, she’s blaming the victim on me, I do understand the frustration of feminists and conservatives. Yes these man make poor decisions, but we need to give second chances. One dumb decision a man makes when he’s in his teens or early twenties really should not haunt and hinder him for the rest of his life. We need to recognize that if we don’t help these men the problem will get worse.

My thought is this, if you help Black children while they are the “deserving” you won’t need to help them when they are the Black men, and therefore “undeserving.” Seems simple enough to me.

peace,
e.

I uploaded the article to my server in case it’s down on the Boston Globe site – you can read it here.