Tag: black men

thank you “i see his penis out” woman

I kept seeing links to the video all week and finally decided to check it out this morning.  Long story short, some asshole rubbed his condom-covered peen on a woman in a not crowded subway and she was not having it.

I thank her for it.

I’ve lived in New York for about five years now.  Thankfully no one has felt the urge to expose them self to me, but like most other women, I am constantly harassed walking down the street.  I try to keep it civil. For example, if a man says I’m beautiful, I’ll say “Thank you.”  Not because I am thankful that he paid a compliment, but because if I don’t say anything I will inevitably get hit with “Why you so saditty?” “You’re not that cute anyway!” or the ever classic “Bitch.” *rolls eyes*

Anyway, I’ve become pretty numb to this weak holleration, but what happened to me on Saturday night still bothers me.  I was walking to a party (just stop, I don’t want to hear about how I should not be parading around Brooklyn at night) and I’m waiting on the corner of Washington and St. Marks and this man comes up to me and tells me I’m beautiful.  Blah blah, I say thanks and turn back to the street.  I’m wearing my headphones but I can tell he’s still talking.  I take one ear piece out to hear better.  In retrospect, I should have just kept the headphone in and continued to ignore him.  He repeats what he said and I make the fatal error of asking him what did he just say because I can’t believe he just said what I thought he did.  But sure enough he really did say “I would love to eat your p*ssy out.”

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat the hell?! Seriously?  When did this become the hot pick up line?

So I’m stuck at the longest light ever and this dude continues to talk about my no-no area, about how pretty it is, about how he’d have me limping in the morning and continuing to tell me that he’d eat it up, because apparently, that is the ultimate compliment he can pay.

I really wish I could have snapped back into reality and say all the things I wanted to say.  I wish I would have told him that my very pretty pink petal is definately out of his league and he needs to take all this wack game somewhere else.  Alas, all I could muster up is “Wow, that is crazy inappropriate” and continue my prayer to stop light gods that that light would finally turn red so I could run away.

The light finally turns red, I literally run across the street.  All the while, this guy is now yelling about how beautiful my vagina is. *sigh*

While holla back has been trying to fight street harassment for years, the reality is that legislation is not going to stop it.  Other easy answers, such as telling parents to raise their sons better, or telling women to not engage these men so they aren’t confused into thinking this constant harassment is a compliment that makes women feel good, are also not the ultimate solution.  In fact, I’m not really sure what is the answer.

What I do know is that next man that decides he’s going to disrespect and humiliate me like that will get a hell of a lot more than “wow, that is crazy inappropriate.”

peace,
e.

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on family and theory

I never know how to treat family “issues” on the blogosphere, but since this current situation is shaping a new theory I’m working on (and because frankly, this story is so over the top), I’ve decided to share it here.

I’ll start with the headline “Eleven Arrested, One Tasered, During Manchester Drug Bust” – and now you can tell where we’re going. In that day’s newspaper, there were actually three different stories about drug busts in CT, but this one involved my younger brother.  In fact, he’s almost the star of the article

MANCHESTER — Police arrested 11 people and seized more than a pound of marijuana, plus $7,796 in cash, during a drug bust Monday that included a violent struggle.

Many of the arrests were the result of drug dealing in the Spruce Street area of town, where undercover officers from a regional task force had bought marijuana, crack cocaine and heroin over several months, police said. One of the arrested people is accused of having children sell drugs near a school. In all, police served 28 warrants.

Millard “Marquise” Jackson, 19, of Oak Street was shot with a Taser by officers when he resisted arrest on a warrant charging him with selling marijuana to an undercover officer in the Spruce Street neighborhood. He continued struggling after being Tasered, police said.

When officers got Jackson under control, they found 86 bags of marijuana on him, police said. Officers added charges of possession of marijuana, possession with intent to sell and resisting arrest.

Yeah so that’s my bro. And while I could go on and talk about how hard his life has been (which is has) and his issues with mental illness, the fact of the matter is that my brother is his father’s son.  And I expect to see more stories like this for at least another 10 – 20 years.  And at this point, I’m trying to figure out how I want to deal with this, or if I want to deal with this.  Because I’ve been here before, and I’m not looking forward to doing this again.

So where does this theory come in?  The last time my brother was incarcerated he blew up my phone.  He called multiple times a day, told me how much he loved me and told me he was going to turn his life around.  Now rewind about 15, and this is exactly how my father behaved.  Much like my father, my brother pretty much calls when he needs something (the last time was to read a contract for a record deal that never worked out) or he disappears for months.  And like how I felt with my father, I’m used to him being gone and silent because that means that he’s fine. Fine here is relative, because for a long time with my father, and for the next 10 – 20 years for my brother, fine means running around in the streets doing things that are most likely illegal.

Long story short, some (a lot of?) sons who grow up without their fathers mimic their behavior as adults. I’m not sure that this has actually been written and this may be where I need to start. But I know a lot of nonresident fathers grew up without their fathers.  (Not knowing your father may make it hard to “prove” that they act in similar manners).  Anyway the theory that I want to work on involves the daughter’s relationship to her brother, who now acts like her father.  How does she act?  How should she act?  By this point in life,  I’ve had about 23 years of dealing with my dad acting crazy and simply do not have the patience to humor this behavior in my brother.  But I am unsure if this is the norm.  I need to flush this idea through… or just write my dissertation, graduate and then flush this idea through, but I wanted to put it on paper.

peace,
e.

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bermuda report is out

I pretty much spent the bulk of last year working on this report for the government of Bermuda.  It’s finally complete.  My boss and coworker have gone down to Bermuda (twice now) to report the findings.  Here’s one article about it and here’s another.  And here’s the entire report (all 233 pages of it) are also online.

Feels good.

One publication down, one more to go this year.

peace,
e.

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black men are important

I dedicate this post to Josh, Quise, Baby K and my dad.

The more I read the news, the more I realize it’s important to recognize that Black men are important.  I think we need to say this out loud more often.  And I need you to believe it when we say it.

You guys are dying every day and it’s crazy – beating each other to death with rail road ties just because, shooting each over over turf, killing each other because one is gay, over medicating yourselves with drugs, or committing suicide.  You are being killed every day – by each other and by the police (40 taser deaths this year jeez).

Black men you need to reach out to Black boys.  They need guidance, and as much as us women try to lead them down the right path, we know you can connect with them in ways we cannot.  I respect this bond and wish more of you would cultivate these relationships with your brothers, son, nephew, cousins, mentees and neighbors. You need to show them that there is nothing cool about burying your friends, killing your enemies, fighting over petty shit like shoes or colors… or even girls.

Black fathers you need to talk to your sons.  Even if you hate your baby momma, you need to leave her and stay with your children.  You need to show them what a functional relationship looks like.  You need to show them how amazing a father’s love it.  You need to encourage them to do the right thing, even when you haven’t yourself.  You need to support them – even when they aren’t athletic, even when they are over weight, even when they aren’t macho, even when they are gay.

Black men we need you.  You are our fathers – our relationship with you is supposed to inform our relationship with men in the future.  How you treat our mothers shows us how we should be treated in the future.  You are suppose to protect us from people that want to harm us.  You are our brothers.  You are our confidants.  You are our friends.  You are our lovers.  You are our husbands.

I hope to marry one of you  someday.  I hope to have children with one of you someday.  I hope to grow old with one of you someday.

I know it’s not easy to be you, but we need you are around.  Black men, you are important. You need to realize this and I hope you do before it’s too late.

peace,
e.

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i cannot wait to see this

Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage from the people that run Black and Married with Kids.  I’m digging it already.

peace,
e.

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But what about resiliency?

jeez i wrote this last week and never posted. lame.

So everyone’s asking if I read the NYT’s article, In Prisoner’s Wake, a Tide of Troubled Kids.  Yeah I read it and I did not like.  As a child of a parent who spent most of my childhood in jail or cracked out, I turned out fine and I am tired of reading all these articles about how kids growing up in single parent households are screwed for life.    This is defeatist.  Yes, fathers are important to a child’s well-being but if a father is not there, that does not mean that child has no chance of  a positive upbringing.

I had many problems with the article.  The article appears to say create difference categories in father absence by protraying a parent is jail as more damaging to a child’s well-being than a child whose father just isn’t around?  In both cases, a child does not have a father.

The chances of seeing a parent go to prison have never been greater, especially for poor black Americans, and new research is documenting the long-term harm to the children they leave behind. Recent studies indicate that having an incarcerated parent doubles the chance that a child will be at least temporarily homeless and measurably increases the likelihood of physically aggressive behavior, social isolation, depression and problems in school — all portending dimmer prospects in adulthood.

Children who grow up with fathers, whether they are in jail or not, are all at risk of low educational attainment, risky sexual behavior and violence.   I don’t understand the need to create levels of father absence as if one reason a father is gone is better than another.  They are all damaging.

We are introduced to the “Incarceration Generation,”   children who grew up with at least one parent in prison and the article.  The two children of the Incarceration Generation interviewed for this article are, in my opinion, extreme examples.  Herbert Scott, who is 20 with a child and was awaiting sentencing for drug possession and robbery.  By the end of the article, he was in jail.   Then there is Terrisa Bryant who also had a child and was a high school dropout.  I get it, the prospects are dim but it is not hopeless.  Why not at least provide an example of a child of an incarecerated parent who was jail bound, a young (single) parent, or a drop out.

The article feels like CNN’s Black in America – providing no new information to the Black community, downplaying the positive – specifically Adam Gaine’s story – to focus on the negative Herbet Scott and providing no solutions.  I would have rather read about how Gaine’s beat his addiction and how he got into (and stayed in) a program to train him to become a fitness teacher.  I am not interested in Scott’s oh to common story of coming out of jail, talking about how he wants to be there for his kids and then winds up back in jail within a year.  I don’t need to read that.  I don’t want to read that.  I would rather read about programming or policies that reach out to these children offer assistance.  I would have rather read about programming that successfully reintroduces Black men into society and assists with training and housing.  I would rather read about policies to loosen licensing restrictions to ex prisoners so that even low skill men can acquire jobs and make a decent living.

The article ultimately ignores a glaring issue – why are these men going to jail in the first place?  It makes little  mention of extremely harsh drug laws, and no mention of  the limited employment of ex-felons, the impact of low educational attainment on potential earnings, lack of support upon reentry to society, I could go on for days.  To place the blame solely on parents who are incarcerated is dangerous.

peace,
e.

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I can’t stop watching documentaries about DL men

I guess lucky for me, I can only find two. The most recent documentary I’ve seen is called “On the Downlow.”  this one is actually a documentary. I can understand why a man in the download would want to come out in a documentary but I’m thankful that I can watch it. The strange thing about the down low is that I think I been misinformed about what it was. The lady it was first rate on Oprah I thought that all down low men identified as street, but in this documentary they were all just in the closet.  I thought that all DL men considered themselves straight, but in the documentary most of them identified at least as bisexual. Another interesting fact was that they were all pretty feminine. So when they finally decided to come out to some friends it was not a surprise to any of them. So now I am a little more confused than I was before.

The way my friends talk about it it seems like you need to be afraid of all black men. But in the documentary all the men that were on the downloads were pretty feminine, and although that is stereotypical to assume that feminine man are all gay was true for the men in this film.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not advocating that all feminine men are gay or bisexual, but it was a relief to know that all the DL men aren’t parading around as super street hard-core manly men, and that it might be easier to spot a DL than originally was thougt.

I need to formulate my thoughts on this one some more.

e.

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The DL Chronicles

So I finally got around to watching The DL Chronicles and boy was it more than I expected.  The first season of the Here! TV show features the stories of 4 different men living on the down low.  It is written, produced and directed by Quincy LeNear and Deondray Gossett, it appears as if at least one was on the DL at some point in time.  Although I would argue that two episodes feature gay men who are in the closet as opposed to men on the DL, it is an interesting perspetive on men on the DL.

By far the most horrifying episode is that of  Boo.  Boo is the DL man that we are taught to be afraid of.  He is attractiv,  he is promiscious and he is HIV+. Yikes.  In the episode he lives with his girlfriend until she kicks him out, this seems to be a regular occurance.  When she kicks him out, he goes and lives with his God fearing mother.  He hangs with his boys on the stoop and makes fun of the flamboyant Jesse.  Boo’s mother knows her son is promiscious and accepts that, as his father was the same way.  She is just grateful that he’s not an embarrassment to her like Jesse is to his mother.  The uneasiness in his face explains part of the reason why he never talks to his friends about his sexuality.  In fact, the only people he seems to discuss this with are the other men he sleeps with.  At one point Boo explains “I’m not gay!” to which a naked man simply laughs.   It’s painful and frustrating.

There’s a really telling scene (clip 2) where Boo is smoking with Jesse and Boo says “I don’t know how you do it dude.”  Jesse simply replies, “Honey, it ain’t easy being me.  But it beats being somebody else.”  Understatement of the year.

Of course, you know how it ends.  A man Boo has slept with repeatedly (without a condom) ends up in the hospital and is diagnosed with HIV.  Boo refuses to believe this but eventually accepts it.  It’s assumed he is positive, but we never see Boo get tested, nor do we see him tell any of his many sexual partners that they should get tested as well.

The purpose of the show is not to scare women even more than they already are.  I think the writers are trying to create some empathy for the DL but to also be realistic with what is going on.  I definitely recommend checking it out.

peace,
e.

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why i love noah’s arc

Sorry I’ve been m.i.a., I’ve been finishing the second draft of my first chapter and deciding which PhD program to go to.

Anywhoo, during the madness of the past month I stumbled upon a TV show called Noah’s Arc.  Noah’s Arc is a Black gay sex and the city.  I cannot stop watching this show (on netflix, it’s totally off the air).   There are many things I love about this show.  For one, it features different types of Black men.  They don’t all look the same, they don’t act the same, they don’t the same, they don’t deal with the same issues. I love the diversity.  There’s the intellectual college professor who is a little uptight, there’s the super free spirit, who is a little too free with his body, there’s the mama/diva and then there’s the niave screenwriter.  The show deals with coming out, AIDS, homophobia, issues within the gay community re: acting feminine, gay marriage, childen, and of course relationships.

Another thing I love about the show is the way it portrays fathers.  *spoiler alert* When Chance and Eddie break up the first time, Chance keeps his commitment to Eddie’s daugher.  He made it a point to still be in her life.  The show doesn’t spend a lot of time on it, but I thought it was so important to show a Black man being commited to a child, especially one that was not biologically his.  In season 2 and in the movie, two other couples ponder adoption. I think this is so important as the dominant view of Black men and fatherhood is that it’s something Black men are afraid of and avoid.

The show is not perfect, the acting is not the best.  But the show is hilarious and really touches upon a lot of important issues, not only for the gay audience but the straight as well.  I encourage you to watch it on netfilix or logonline.com.

peace,
e.

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the good, the bad and the ugly: Rihanna and Chris Brown

I’ve been holding off on commenting on this for a while, but since people are asking, here’s my two cents.

the good
well, some light is being shed on domestic violence in the black community.  We are actually acknowledging it exists and speaking about it with our friends.  We are seeing that it can happen to anyone and we are seeing a lot of people talking out how this has affected them personally – men and women.  And hopefully, we will see a beautiful young woman strong enough to walk away and a young man secure enough to get some real help and learn to deal with his issues.

the bad
Most likely we won’t.  And it will be heartbreaking to see them together again, and more heartbreaking when he does this again.  I understand that it is not easy to walk away from an abusive relationship.  I know even when women leave it is emotionally draining to press charges.

the ugly
The way young people are reacting to this situation.  Reading the comments on Black gossip sites and on Rihanna and Chris’s myspace pages is horrifying.  Some young people think this is ok.  Some people think being provoked is a reason to beat a woman (this comes straight from Chris’s sister AND cousin).

So what do you guys think?

peace,
e.

h/t: postbougie, ill doctrine, huffington post

p.s. dope vid courtesy of ill doctrine

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