I’ve called on pastors nationwide to stop the stream of momma, grandmother, aunts and female cousins coming to the altar for baby dedications with no man in sight. That pastor should say, “Until I personally meet with the father, I will not dedicate this child.” Somebody has to hold that man accountable for his actions.
It’s time that men hold their “boys” accountable. Actor Hill Harper had a friend who once said that he hadn’t seen his child in some time, but he found time to play basketball with Harper. Hill said, “Unless you call your child now, we can’t play ball.” See, Hill had to force him to accept his responsibilities.
I’m down for men holding other men accountable. Not sure how I feel about pastors refusing to baptize kids. It’s not the kid’s fault the parents don’t get along and the dad wants to disappear.
But for real, I think men should hold themselves accountable. I don’t know that I would want my dad to acknowledge me solely because his friends won’t ball with him anymore. I want my dad around because he is my dad, because he loves me and because he wants to be there.
I guess lucky for me, I can only find two. The most recent documentary I’ve seen is called “On the Downlow.” this one is actually a documentary. I can understand why a man in the download would want to come out in a documentary but I’m thankful that I can watch it. The strange thing about the down low is that I think I been misinformed about what it was. The lady it was first rate on Oprah I thought that all down low men identified as street, but in this documentary they were all just in the closet. I thought that all DL men considered themselves straight, but in the documentary most of them identified at least as bisexual. Another interesting fact was that they were all pretty feminine. So when they finally decided to come out to some friends it was not a surprise to any of them. So now I am a little more confused than I was before.
The way my friends talk about it it seems like you need to be afraid of all black men. But in the documentary all the men that were on the downloads were pretty feminine, and although that is stereotypical to assume that feminine man are all gay was true for the men in this film. Don’t get me wrong I’m not advocating that all feminine men are gay or bisexual, but it was a relief to know that all the DL men aren’t parading around as super street hard-core manly men, and that it might be easier to spot a DL than originally was thougt.
I need to formulate my thoughts on this one some more.
So I finally got around to watching The DL Chronicles and boy was it more than I expected. The first season of the Here! TV show features the stories of 4 different men living on the down low. It is written, produced and directed by Quincy LeNear and Deondray Gossett, it appears as if at least one was on the DL at some point in time. Although I would argue that two episodes feature gay men who are in the closet as opposed to men on the DL, it is an interesting perspetive on men on the DL.
By far the most horrifying episode is that of Boo. Boo is the DL man that we are taught to be afraid of. He is attractiv, he is promiscious and he is HIV+. Yikes. In the episode he lives with his girlfriend until she kicks him out, this seems to be a regular occurance. When she kicks him out, he goes and lives with his God fearing mother. He hangs with his boys on the stoop and makes fun of the flamboyant Jesse. Boo’s mother knows her son is promiscious and accepts that, as his father was the same way. She is just grateful that he’s not an embarrassment to her like Jesse is to his mother. The uneasiness in his face explains part of the reason why he never talks to his friends about his sexuality. In fact, the only people he seems to discuss this with are the other men he sleeps with. At one point Boo explains “I’m not gay!” to which a naked man simply laughs. It’s painful and frustrating.
There’s a really telling scene (clip 2) where Boo is smoking with Jesse and Boo says “I don’t know how you do it dude.” Jesse simply replies, “Honey, it ain’t easy being me. But it beats being somebody else.” Understatement of the year.
Of course, you know how it ends. A man Boo has slept with repeatedly (without a condom) ends up in the hospital and is diagnosed with HIV. Boo refuses to believe this but eventually accepts it. It’s assumed he is positive, but we never see Boo get tested, nor do we see him tell any of his many sexual partners that they should get tested as well.
The purpose of the show is not to scare women even more than they already are. I think the writers are trying to create some empathy for the DL but to also be realistic with what is going on. I definitely recommend checking it out.
I just realized I never blogged about that fact that I’m headed back to school in the fall. Right back to Columbia to get my PhD is social policy and policy analysis. I thought I had a dissertation idea (well I do) but when I went to the open house and began talking with my homeboy who is already a candidate there, he gave a super amazing idea – or at least the beginnings of an idea – for what I think is an even better idea. When I flush it out more I’ll share.
Ok that’s it. I don’t know why I am up this early. Back to bed for me.
Entitled part 1 because I’m sure there will be many more of these.
And here we go again. I feel like I’m constantly arguing with my peers about homophobia. It always surprises me how educated people can be so freaking ignorant. For the past week I had been arguing about bisexuality. Among the gems thrown my way were: “There’s no such thing as bisexuality, once you have intercourse with someone of the same sex once you’re forever gay.” and “Bisexuality (and not homosexuality) is what is wrong in America.” And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the Bible pushers. I honestly just don’t think Jesus would love everyone but homosexual, I just don’t. I don’t think God hates gay. I don’t think homosexuality is a choice, and even if it was, I don’t think people should be controlling what others do in their bedroom. I think gay marraige should be legalized and I think it will be within the next decade.
I think Black people especially need to get over their homophobia. I believe men on the DL is such a problem because of homophobia. I think if Black gay men could be out and accepted (at least in rates similar to the White community), I think there would be a lot less DL and more out (and happy) men. In terms of bisexual men, there is little to no incentive to be honest. I’ve met numerous women who flat out refuse to date a bisexual man, even if he was perfect in every way. It blows my mind. With all these women crying about being single and the lack of eligible men, how can we completely shut off a whole group of men.
Sorry I’ve been m.i.a., I’ve been finishing the second draft of my first chapter and deciding which PhD program to go to.
Anywhoo, during the madness of the past month I stumbled upon a TV show called Noah’s Arc. Noah’s Arc is a Black gay sex and the city. I cannot stop watching this show (on netflix, it’s totally off the air). There are many things I love about this show. For one, it features different types of Black men. They don’t all look the same, they don’t act the same, they don’t the same, they don’t deal with the same issues. I love the diversity. There’s the intellectual college professor who is a little uptight, there’s the super free spirit, who is a little too free with his body, there’s the mama/diva and then there’s the niave screenwriter. The show deals with coming out, AIDS, homophobia, issues within the gay community re: acting feminine, gay marriage, childen, and of course relationships.
Another thing I love about the show is the way it portrays fathers. *spoiler alert* When Chance and Eddie break up the first time, Chance keeps his commitment to Eddie’s daugher. He made it a point to still be in her life. The show doesn’t spend a lot of time on it, but I thought it was so important to show a Black man being commited to a child, especially one that was not biologically his. In season 2 and in the movie, two other couples ponder adoption. I think this is so important as the dominant view of Black men and fatherhood is that it’s something Black men are afraid of and avoid.
The show is not perfect, the acting is not the best. But the show is hilarious and really touches upon a lot of important issues, not only for the gay audience but the straight as well. I encourage you to watch it on netfilix or logonline.com.
I’ve been holding off on commenting on this for a while, but since people are asking, here’s my two cents.
well, some light is being shed on domestic violence in the black community. We are actually acknowledging it exists and speaking about it with our friends. We are seeing that it can happen to anyone and we are seeing a lot of people talking out how this has affected them personally – men and women. And hopefully, we will see a beautiful young woman strong enough to walk away and a young man secure enough to get some real help and learn to deal with his issues.
Most likely we won’t. And it will be heartbreaking to see them together again, and more heartbreaking when he does this again. I understand that it is not easy to walk away from an abusive relationship. I know even when women leave it is emotionally draining to press charges.
The way young people are reacting to this situation. Reading the comments on Black gossip sites and on Rihanna and Chris’s myspace pages is horrifying. Some young people think this is ok. Some people think being provoked is a reason to beat a woman (this comes straight from Chris’s sister AND cousin).
a lot has been written about Nadya Suleman and her 14 children. Let me break down the problem for you, she is unemployed, single and has 14 children. She has 14 children! How are we arguing that this is not completely irresponsible? Her parents have financial problems so they moved into her house to live with her. How are these people supposed to cloth and feed 14 children, 8 of whom are infants. How are these people supposed to keep their sanity? How are we not seeing this as a problem?
Would this still be a problem if she was married? It depends, if her husband was loaded and they had a house large enough to accommodate 14 children and could afford enough child care, I would probably say no. But if he was as broke as she is, then yes. As it stands now, her parents are trying to support her. Her father is going back to Iraq to make some money, I guess the mother’s going to stay home and take care of the kids and perhaps Nadya will go back to school and get the degree? Then what? We are in a major recession, it’s not easy to get a job, no matter what type of education you have.
I get it, she was an only child and she wanted a large family. That’s perfectly fine, but the manner in which she chose to do this is crazy. After successfully having six children, she decided to go back and use the 6 remaining eggs. It’s not that she’s ignorant, she’s actually quite knowledgeable about the process and risks, she just didn’t care. She just wanted to have those children.
I think if you’re lonely and a broke grad school student, get a pet.