so for the past month i’ve been bombarded with all these articles and interviews about how highly educated black women are least likely to get married and how if they do they’re gonna get divorced and how there aren’t enough Black men to go around and I have to wonder if this is a stereotype threat.  Basically stereotype threat is the fear that you’re going to fulfill stereotypes of your demographic (but only after you’ve heard about it). An example: Black kids do poorly on a standardized test after a researcher mentions that Black kids typically don’t do well on this type of test, another group of black kids does better on the same test – these kids don’t get the lecture about how Black kids do bad on the test.  Google scholar it.

Anywhoo, I’m wondering if all this talk about Black women not getting married is becoming a self fulfilling prophecy and if we wouldn’t have been better off it other people weren’t making such a big deal about it.  I wonder if the knowledge of and belief in the “threat” of us not getting married ever is (part of) the reason why so few of us are.

Blah.

peace,
e.

Oh how I smiled when I read this: The Guinness World Record holders for longest marriage are black! Wow. 84 years!

The two of them can still give their reasons for marrying on May 13, 1924. “He was not mean; he was not a fighter,” Zelmrya said. “He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet.”

She found a good man and held on to him (even though he wasn’t a looker). I can’t be mad at that.

h/t: livesteez

because the way people are talking, it sure seems they can.  During the campaign, some people expressed concern that we were hyping him up too much and putting too much pressure on him.  Now that he’s President, I think some have gone overboard.

I mean for real, have their been no healthy examples of black marriages since the Cosby show?  And for that matter, were there any health examples of black marriages before the Cosby show?

Don’t get me wrong, I loved the Cosby show.  I love seeing two successful Black parents that loved each other, could have loving disagreements, didn’t beat their children

It seems like if I did a time line of healthy Black marriages it would go like this

1984-1992: Cosbys (the Cosby show)

1992 – now: Obamas (real life)

This looks ridiculous, because it is ridiculous.  I think it’s nice we have another example of a healthy marriage, but the Obamas are not the end all be all and the media (yes i’m looking at you CNN) really needs to stop pretending that this is the cure to Black “pathology”.

e.

that doesn’t make me want to tear my hair out. So i was reading/lurking on postbougie and they hat tipped TNC (another place where i lurk) and he was explaining why he decided not to marry the mother of his children and (i’m assuming) his girlfriend.

When I read what it was about, I was ready to tear it about. After all, I’m all about (healthy) marriage and it’s one of my two policies of choice for change in the Black community. The other is education if you must know.

While I don’t necessarily agree with his reasons not to marry, I can certainly understand and respect them.  It’s not that I think that marriage is a magic pill.  I understand that they take a lot of work and a lot of patience.  A marriage is a commitment – not just to a wife, but to your children as well.  And I guess some of the reasons TNC said he didn’t want to marry, this insurance, is what I thinkis the missing piece to child stability in single parent families.   I think a relationship that TNC appears to have is rare outside of marriage and this is the type of relationship that intiatives like The Healthy Family Initiative are strivig to achieve.  It’s not so much the contractual relationship as it is the loving partnership that policies, and society, are trying to achieve.

peace,
e.