I’m not quite sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way I lost myself. I lost my muchness.
There’s a scene in the remake of Alice in Wonderland when the Mad Hatter meets up again with Alice and notices that she’s different. She’s afraid and she’s not who she used to be. He tells her, “You used to be much muchier. You’ve lost your muchness.” I know, it’s a child’s movie and a silly scene, but lately that’s how I’ve begun to feel about myself.
When I was younger, I was a character. I did my own thing and didn’t care what anyone thought about it. I was myself. And then something happened, I’m not quite sure. From then I began to doubt myself and my abilities. And I became scared of everything – success, failure, trying. And it was sad. And it was exhausting. And I am tired of it.
So join me as I try to regain my muchness again and become that cool kid I know I am.