I figured since I’m going to Cool Kids PhD Club retreat next weekend and I had to submit a working paper, might as well drop it off here if anyone’s inclined to read and/or comment.
Daughters and their Relationship with their Nonresident Fathers (working title too).
I never know how to treat family “issues” on the blogosphere, but since this current situation is shaping a new theory I’m working on (and because frankly, this story is so over the top), I’ve decided to share it here.
I’ll start with the headline “Eleven Arrested, One Tasered, During Manchester Drug Bust” – and now you can tell where we’re going. In that day’s newspaper, there were actually three different stories about drug busts in CT, but this one involved my younger brother. In fact, he’s almost the star of the article
MANCHESTER — Police arrested 11 people and seized more than a pound of marijuana, plus $7,796 in cash, during a drug bust Monday that included a violent struggle.
Many of the arrests were the result of drug dealing in the Spruce Street area of town, where undercover officers from a regional task force had bought marijuana, crack cocaine and heroin over several months, police said. One of the arrested people is accused of having children sell drugs near a school. In all, police served 28 warrants.
Millard “Marquise” Jackson, 19, of Oak Street was shot with a Taser by officers when he resisted arrest on a warrant charging him with selling marijuana to an undercover officer in the Spruce Street neighborhood. He continued struggling after being Tasered, police said.
When officers got Jackson under control, they found 86 bags of marijuana on him, police said. Officers added charges of possession of marijuana, possession with intent to sell and resisting arrest.
Yeah so that’s my bro. And while I could go on and talk about how hard his life has been (which is has) and his issues with mental illness, the fact of the matter is that my brother is his father’s son. And I expect to see more stories like this for at least another 10 – 20 years. And at this point, I’m trying to figure out how I want to deal with this, or if I want to deal with this. Because I’ve been here before, and I’m not looking forward to doing this again.
So where does this theory come in? The last time my brother was incarcerated he blew up my phone. He called multiple times a day, told me how much he loved me and told me he was going to turn his life around. Now rewind about 15, and this is exactly how my father behaved. Much like my father, my brother pretty much calls when he needs something (the last time was to read a contract for a record deal that never worked out) or he disappears for months. And like how I felt with my father, I’m used to him being gone and silent because that means that he’s fine. Fine here is relative, because for a long time with my father, and for the next 10 – 20 years for my brother, fine means running around in the streets doing things that are most likely illegal.
Long story short, some (a lot of?) sons who grow up without their fathers mimic their behavior as adults. I’m not sure that this has actually been written and this may be where I need to start. But I know a lot of nonresident fathers grew up without their fathers. (Not knowing your father may make it hard to “prove” that they act in similar manners). Anyway the theory that I want to work on involves the daughter’s relationship to her brother, who now acts like her father. How does she act? How should she act? By this point in life, I’ve had about 23 years of dealing with my dad acting crazy and simply do not have the patience to humor this behavior in my brother. But I am unsure if this is the norm. I need to flush this idea through… or just write my dissertation, graduate and then flush this idea through, but I wanted to put it on paper.