“I’m not here to make friends”

for real? Is this requisite line of every black chick on reality shows?

Last night I watched the premiere of Real Chance of Love.  Yes, the show is as terrible as its title and horrendous wardrobe.  Who dresses theses guys?!

But please slip me the number of real’s hair dresser because I WISH my hair had that shine.

At any rate, the show is basically Flavor of Love (my fav) but with two clowns and too many angry women.  The black women were so angry.  The white women were so “color blind.”  The show was absolutely ridiculous but one part struck me, the mandatory “I’m not here for friends” line that somehow turned into a really huge fight.  It went like this.

White woman: We should be buddies.
Black woman: I’m not here for friends.
White woman: Ok *walks away*
Black woman immediately starts talking shit to other women about how the White women wanted to be friends.  She threw in the “She’s here for the wrong thing, she’s not real” line and the others giggle.
White women: *over hearing this (because of course the Black woman was extra loud)* Are you talking about me?
Black woman (yelling): YES! I AM NOT HERE FOR FRIENDS!

Uhm, what in the world?   Don’t believe me, watch it here. That was annoying.  What was more disturbing to hear it in real life in my office yesterday.  Someone was in my office and we were talking about the drama that is grad school and she told me she didn’t have any friends at school.  She then named three women who are acquaintances and was really proud of her self.

“I’m not here for friends,” she said as she leaned back in here, a proud smile pasted on her face. [editor's note: edited b/c it was causing drama in my real life]

Ladies, lemme break something down for you.  You need friends. You need friends at school, you need friends at work,  you need friends in your life.  I know this macho “I don’t need friends” bs makes you feel like you’re an independent woman, but for real, you sound foolish.

Why do you need friends? Well besides the fact that friends are awesome, they can benefit you.  You can study with your friends at school.  Friends at work can help you with your projects, they can keep you from putting your foot in your mouth at meetings.  Friends at both can support you when people start acting crazy (it’s inevitable).  I love friends.

If the friends at work and school aren’t awesome, perhaps you aren’t choosing them wisely.  The office gossip, probably not the one you should be a bff with.  The loud mouth who’s always playing people in class, while funny, is not the one that you want to share your insecurities with.

Choose wisely and please make some friends.


crossposted at SASSY

4 Comments on “I’m not here to make friends”

  1. Jose
    October 21, 2008 at 11:36 am (6 years ago)

    I get by with a little help from my friends …

    Seriously, they’re right in one respect: it’s about winning, and this cut-throat competition is not about making friends but doing battle. Many contestants in other game shows went for friendship and got backstabbed in the process. I’m going to make myself look ignorant here, but look at the Alliance on I Love Money. Whiteboy, Real, and Hoopz basically imposed themselves on everyone else, and Hoopz eventually won the whole thing because she had back-up. If not for the other gentlemen in the Stallionaires, she’d definitely get upended.

    But I think your point about that idea of not having other friends has become a fixture in our cultures, and that’s unfortunate. It’s a side-effect of the capitalist spirit, and amoral Darwinism at its best. Good post.

  2. e.
    October 21, 2008 at 11:39 am (6 years ago)

    true, white boy and real got burned but real life is not a contest.

    and don’t forget, some people make it out of these shows with friends – look at 12 pack and what’s his face, they’re bffs and making money on their own.

  3. Bam
    October 22, 2008 at 2:38 pm (6 years ago)

    All that shit Jose said plus…

    People need each other. Its just a simple fact. And its such an innate part of the human experience that people who try to oust others with statements like, ” I am not here for friends,” make themselves more confined to their misery.

    And trust, they are miserable.

    BTW, I can’t really get into those VH1 shows. Only when I am really really bored out my mind :)


  4. Torie Michelle
    October 30, 2008 at 11:08 pm (6 years ago)

    [found you at Sassy]

    I thought VH1 had taken it too far when they brought out Rock of Love or w/e it was called. That was what? The third or fourth version of this Love business they’re pushing? Just too much.

    Anyway, I’m one of those people you’re talking about…lol I believe some folks use the term ‘friend’ way too loosely. I’ve had plenty of people I’ve called my friends in the past but there’s only one who’s really stuck around to keep the ‘title.’ I’ve known her for about nine years or so. Everyone else I come in contact with is relegated to being a passing associate until time tells whether he or she is a keeper.

    In terms of the reasons you gave for having friends, I usually fare pretty well with those things on my own. It’s great when I have the support of my best friend (who lives in another state) but if I don’t, the associates are good enough. Haha.

    If you truly choose wisely, you’ll probably find yourself with a handful of good friends. If you’re rolling with an entourage of people you’re calling your BFFs, you might want to do a few background checks…lol Okay, maybe don’t take it that far. All I’m saying: not everyone you call a friend necessarily is.

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