On Choosing Single Motherhood

So I was perusing some blogs and someone mentioned this one – some single women choosing the single mother route.

“I don’t need a man to have a baby. I don’t have to find “The One” and fall in love and get married to procreate. My body doesn’t actually care if Cupid has shot my heart straight through with arrows. Love and sentiment technically have nothing to do with the fact that since my menstrual blood began I have been able to have a baby — whenever I want.”

This concept is not new to me, it just frustrates me.   Yes, one doesn’t need a man to have a baby but so much research shows the benefits of two parents.  I was raised by a single parent, and it was ideal considering what my father was up to, but that wasn’t the choice that my mother intended to make.  I haven’t met anyone of my mother’s generation that willingly had a child on their own.  They either divorced or broke up, but we all came from a relationship.  I’ve met quiet a few successful Black women who have said that if they aren’t married by a certain point in their life they were going to have a child on their own.  To each her own.

And I know where this thinking comes from.  It’s no secret Black women are least likely to marry.  And I’m sure these women will make amazing mothers, who will love their children unconditionally and do everything they can to give their child anything they could ever want or need, but that’s not for e. Given my line of research, I can’t, in good conscience, just have a baby just to have one.  If I have a child I want to bring it into the most supportive, loving and stable enviornment I can.  And to me, that means in a stable, happy and functioning marriage.


3 Comments on On Choosing Single Motherhood

  1. shannon
    September 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm (6 years ago)

    I agree with you. Children need a father. In my personal opinion, a lot of the problems with kids in our culture is that the men aren’t stepping up to their responsibilities. Thus leaving a void in the kids’ hearts. It would be interesting to have/find a study which compares kids who grow up with both parents married, parents divorced, and those who are only raised by one parent. I am curious:)

    Rock Star Maternity
    The Domestic Engineer’s Union

  2. e.
    September 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm (6 years ago)

    Hi Shannon! Thanks for your comment. There are actually many studies that examine the lives and lifestyle choices of children raised in different types of families. The general conclusion is that children raised by two parents fare better in life.

  3. Barbara
    September 25, 2008 at 2:16 pm (6 years ago)

    Great topic and I respect your views on this subject E. I think that the underlying thing here is “choice”. Some women would prefer to start their families in a loving, married and “complete” household and I think that is a beautiful thing. Then there are other women who would prefer to start their families in a loving, single and also “complete” household which (I believe) is as equally beautiful.

    I guess because I don’t see “family” as soly consisting of a mother, father and kids. And the fact that you said “The general conclusion is that children raised by two parents fare better in life.” can work to support the idea that “two parents” don’t have to be a man and a woman. Child do not have to grow up in a household with a mother and father present to be raised well or turn out ok. Just because the two parents are not married, or do not live in the same household doesn’t mean that the child’s creation did not come from a relationship or love. Every single parent situation is not one of pain and struggle, some are actually by choice and they work well for those families.

    Sorry for the long comment, just wanted to add my forty two cents… as a single parent =).

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