So the other day i went to lunch with a new coworker just to have “black girl” chat – you know how that goes when you’re the only two black girls here. Anyway it was normal stuff, you know office gossip and the like and then we started talking about her marriage. She met her husband approximately 11 months ago on the A train and she just felt this strong desire to talk to him. He felt the same. He is one of the hardest types of men to meet in NYC – he was actually looking to be in a relationship. So they dated and got married and then moved into together and now want to start a family.
She told me that she hasn’t been receiving a lot of support from our same age peers. People are surprised she wants to get pregnant. She’s married, almost done with grad school and wants to have 5 kids. She’d better get cracking now. People want her to wait until she gets older. Why? Because they think she should start her career and then have kids. To us, this isn’t the smartest move. Why would you wait until you have an established career and then risk it by taking off tons of time for maturnity leave. It’s makes sense to us to have the kids before there’s a career to worry about. For me, the ideal time would be while I’m writing my dissertation. Ok that was a sidebar.
So after we talked about kids, we talked about dating. It was a relief to meet someone who thinks the same way I do about dating. My definition of single is simple – you are not dating someone, you’re not in a commited relationship, you are single. For the past few years, I’ve been noticing that most of my peers don’t think that they way. They can be monogomous with one person for months but consider themselves single. They “date” many people and are still single. They will give someone everything but a title. To me, all these people are not single, but they consider themselves single. It confuses me. And having dated someone who’s idea of single was totally opposite of mine, I know that’s not the scene for e.
I never considered myself conservative, until I started dating. Whomp. My name is Eva and I am a conservative dater. And I am ok with that.