September 2008 archive

writing takes courage

that’s what all the books say at least.

that would prob explain why i can’t bring myself to write the lit review for the chapter. isn’t this supposed to be the easiest part?  I need to stop being a punk and just bust this out. blah.


apparently i’m a conservative dater

So the other day i went to lunch with a new coworker just to have “black girl” chat – you know how that goes when you’re the only two black girls here.  Anyway it was normal stuff, you know office gossip and the like and then we started talking about her marriage.  She met her husband approximately 11 months ago on the A train and she just felt this strong desire to talk to him.  He felt the same.  He is one of the hardest types of men to meet in NYC – he was actually looking to be in a relationship.  So they dated and got married and then moved into together and now want to start a family.

She told me that she hasn’t been receiving a lot of support from our same age peers.  People are surprised she wants to get pregnant.  She’s married, almost done with grad school and wants to have 5 kids.  She’d better get cracking now.  People want her to wait until she gets older.  Why?  Because they think she should start her career and then have kids.  To us, this isn’t the smartest move.  Why would you wait until you have an established career and then risk it by taking off tons of time for maturnity leave.  It’s makes sense to us to have the kids before there’s a career to worry about.  For me, the ideal time would be while I’m writing my dissertation.  Ok that was a sidebar.

So after we talked about kids, we talked about dating.  It was a relief to meet someone who thinks the same way I do about dating.  My definition of single is simple – you are not dating someone, you’re not in a commited relationship, you are single.  For the past few years, I’ve been noticing that most of my peers don’t think that they way.  They can be monogomous with one person for months but consider themselves single.  They “date” many people and are still single.  They will give someone everything but a title.  To me, all these people are not single, but they consider themselves single.  It confuses me.  And having dated someone who’s idea of single was totally opposite of mine, I know that’s not the scene for e.

I never considered myself conservative, until I started dating.  Whomp. My name is Eva and I am a conservative dater. And I am ok with that.


On Choosing Single Motherhood

So I was perusing some blogs and someone mentioned this one – some single women choosing the single mother route.

“I don’t need a man to have a baby. I don’t have to find “The One” and fall in love and get married to procreate. My body doesn’t actually care if Cupid has shot my heart straight through with arrows. Love and sentiment technically have nothing to do with the fact that since my menstrual blood began I have been able to have a baby — whenever I want.”

This concept is not new to me, it just frustrates me.   Yes, one doesn’t need a man to have a baby but so much research shows the benefits of two parents.  I was raised by a single parent, and it was ideal considering what my father was up to, but that wasn’t the choice that my mother intended to make.  I haven’t met anyone of my mother’s generation that willingly had a child on their own.  They either divorced or broke up, but we all came from a relationship.  I’ve met quiet a few successful Black women who have said that if they aren’t married by a certain point in their life they were going to have a child on their own.  To each her own.

And I know where this thinking comes from.  It’s no secret Black women are least likely to marry.  And I’m sure these women will make amazing mothers, who will love their children unconditionally and do everything they can to give their child anything they could ever want or need, but that’s not for e. Given my line of research, I can’t, in good conscience, just have a baby just to have one.  If I have a child I want to bring it into the most supportive, loving and stable enviornment I can.  And to me, that means in a stable, happy and functioning marriage.


These inspire me

As I struggle through my first chapter, I sneak peek at my fav blogs for inspiration.  So I decided to share them with you.

Apartment Therapy – i love seeing dope apartments.

Made by Girl - I just love her stuff. I want to break out my silk screen

Deception Pass – i love the sims. i admire how much time they spend on this – the writing and all the custom gear they make. i love it.

What inspires you?



uhm why are all the black people on sex and the city freaking police or drivers. whomp?  i wanna be the black sex and the city.


|8-25-11 edit – Whenever I look back on my blog and see this post, I just want to cringe.  I can think of nothing sillier (now at least) than to want to live a sex and the city lifestyle.  I’ll prob elaborate in a later blog|

i need to be creative

i am aching to be creative.

to make a t-shirt. learn photoshop so i can make sassy look the way i want it to. learn css so i can complete this website. have some time to at least write the short story of what i hope to someday make a full novel.  buy a camera (that works) and take dope pics of bk. or even just my house. or even frank’s cat. ah.

i just had to get that out. now back to being analytical.


p.s. this little rant of sorts was inspired by stumbing up made by girl. doesn’t she just look sooo happy. ah. oh and i totally want this poster she made. i just adore it.

4 weeks

Ack time is flying.

Had a meeting with the editor yesterday.  Almost totally done with the data, I think a solid two hours should do it.  And now to write.  Even though I don’t need to turn the article in for 4 weeks, my boss wants it in two. So… away I go to write.


what in the …

Uhm. What in the world did i just witness on the RNC tonight? That was the most viscous, off the wall and insane speech I ever heard. Palin came out fighting, but barely touched the issues that really concern us. Fine, your kids are off limits but I will continue to give you the side eye until you start supporting contraceptive education in schools because clearly abstinence only is not working.

Community organizers and social workers, republicans don’t respect you nor the work you do. Don’t give them your vote. To hear them laugh and jeer like actually working with real people isn’t any experience, like it’s not important.

I’m still not sure what exactly Palin’s experience nor how her experience is more meaningful than Obama’s.  I still don’t know what Palin’s experience is with international policy?  I’m confused why being a sportscaster is cute and quirky and working in the community is looked down upon.

She backed off her values – she didn’t mention abortion, she didn’t mention creationalism, she didn’t mention abstinence only education. She stayed away from landmines. She thought she was slick.

You know how I feel about Hillary. She was tough and at times pushed it too far at times. Words matter, so I won’t call Palin what I think she is.  She was mean, she was smug, she made jokes of serious issues, she name called. It was pathetic. I wasn’t moved or touched. I was just amazed that she was allowed to deliver that speech.

The democrats were gracious and someone over at Jack and Jill warned them. They said said something along the lines of “stop telling us McCain is your friend, but..” becuase please the Republicans won’t. And sure enough, there was no “Obama is my friend” or “Biden is a great guy.” No the Republicans went for the jugular. It was off-putting for me, but the crowd ate it up.

And then there was the propaganda.  Uhm, Republicans, what change are you trying to bring?  Why are you acting like your poor decisions didn’t put us in this situation?  How are you going to blame the liberals for wasting money on social programs, when you have cut funding for these programs year after year? How will 4 years of McCain/Palin differ from 8 of Bush/Cheney?  How are we winning the war?  Why are we still talking “Islamic terrorist?’  Scare tactics are played out.  Why are you talking bad about the “good old boys” when you are the good old boys.

And yes, it was unfortunate that McCain was a POW and the story is very inspiring, however, being a POW does not make you qualified to be President.

Blah, I gotta finish running this data and go to bed.