“Beggars can’t be choosers”

is what he said to me over dinner. Beggers (black women) can’t be choosers (about who they date). Because after, it’s supply and demand baby. Educated, financially stable Black men are in high demand and Black women shouldn’t expect to get one. We should take whatever we can get and be happy.

In an earlier conversation he compared the future to the Matrix 2, where everyone looked liked us – you know, light skinned, not Black or White.  Everyone had been mixed and that was the future and “Black women are holding up evolution by being the only ones trying to stick to their race.”

I’m sorry, but does this sound crazy to anyone else but me?

Here’s what we all know:  The number of never-married Black women has doubled in the past 50 years (it’s around 45%).  The number of married Black women has decreased substantially in the past 50 years.  Quite frankly, this graph freaks me out. 

My boss said that this was a crass way of discussing the lower prospects of an educated black women getting married. Fine and fair enough. That drama has been widely written about and every Black women knows that the more education she gets the less likely she is to get married. That’s depressing – chose between education and men. whomp whomp.

What’s really disturbing me is that lately I have heard some black men (not a lot but enough) exploiting this situatuion. They are exploiting the fact that there are so few educated, financially secure Black men with no children by cheating on their girlfriends and not worrying because “she won’t find anything better.” And what’s more depressing is that some women are subscribing to this notion.

For me, if it comes to having a Black man who won’t respect me and being single, I’m going to have to choose single. Or I’m going to have to choose to date outside my race. But whatever my decision, I sure as hell won’t be begging as I do it.


source: The Joint Center

4 Comments on “Beggars can’t be choosers”

  1. Stiney
    August 23, 2008 at 12:10 pm (6 years ago)

    Tell that dude to kick rocks…barefoot. Educated, financially stable Black men who know how to treat a woman are in high demand. I’d rather have a poor, GED having man who treats me well than some educated dude who beats or belittles me. Dude is wilin’…

  2. Serena
    August 27, 2008 at 12:53 pm (6 years ago)

    Great post!

  3. faith
    August 30, 2008 at 10:17 pm (6 years ago)

    Well why be single? The problem is that Black women have focused on dating Black men exclusively when as soon as the opportunity presented itself they stopped. We’ve believed the lie about not being desirable because some Black men are self-hating. If they all want to play the field and be with whiter-skinned women let them. No woman needs to be around a man who doesn’t want to be with her. Look at Barack and Michelle. How many Black men would’ve passed over Michelle? But Barack pursued HER. She certainly wasn’t going to wait around on some guy to make up his mind about who he wanted to be with or would not cherish her. And neither should we.

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