Man, a President who supports responsible fatherhood makes me so happy!

President Obama wrote an article about being a good father for Parade Magazine.  Read the entire article here.

peace,
e.

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending Princeton’s Graduate Women of Color Caucus’s conference, The Changing Role and Influence of Women of Color in Society.  It was such a great experience.  The keynote was by Dr. Ruth Simmons (current President of Brown, former President of Smith (whoot whoot)).  She is simply amazing.  If you don’t know about Dr. Simmons, you need to ask someone. She is the Michael Jordan of academia.

She was candid.  She was funny.  She was honest.   Dr. Simmons broke down what we need to succeed in higher education, and especially in some of the most prestigious schools in America.

Know your field. Like really know it. Know the markers of your field.  Where should you be published?  What prizes should you be striving for?  What grants should you be receiving?

Mentors. Of course you know you need a mentor, but how do you know if you have a good mentor.  Dr. Simmons told us if all your mentor does is tell you how wonderful you are, get a new mentor.  You need a mentor to tell you what’s not pretty.

Let them take credit for your work. It’s happened to her many times before, and it’s bound to happen for you.  It’s better for us, if you succeed.  Who cares if they want to take credit for it.

This is going to require maturity.  Unfair things are going to happen to you.  Expect that.  So now, how are you going to handle it?  You cannot throw a fit.  You must handle disappoint with grace.  When your boss/professor talks crazy to you, take it.  Save the tears for your office.

Don’t let others pacify you. Again, like with your mentors, if you are surrounded by people who only tell you how great you are, be aware.  Be your own worst critique.  Tear your own work about if you have to.

Endure. Be strong.  Do not let grad school break you.  You will be dealing with all this drama for a good reason - that good MA or PhD.

Be broad. Most of there are studying something related to people of color, and that is great.  But we must remember to be broad enough to affect others.  This will also make us more marketable when we hit the job market.  It’s important to be near the center.  Being in the margin is not where you want to be.

Remember how important you are. Yes, you need the school for an education, but they need you too.  The better you are, they better they look.  Don’t let them treat you like they are doing you a favor and that you don’t belong.  Remember your value to their institution and be good to yourself.

It was exactly what I needed to hear and at the exact time when I needed it most.  Thank you Dr. Simmons.  You are a gem.

peace,
e.

So last week I turned 27.  Normally I don’t feel anything on my birthdays, but this year I felt old.  Too old.  Actually, too old for this shit.

What is this shit?  Roommate drama and coworker drama.  I literally woke up that morning and said no more and made a plan.  By the end of the day, I had a new roommate and plan to deal with my nemesis.

I guess old people get things done.

peace,
e.

Fathers, and pretty much anyone that deals with them.

I’ve called on pastors nationwide to stop the stream of momma, grandmother, aunts and female cousins coming to the altar for baby dedications with no man in sight. That pastor should say, “Until I personally meet with the father, I will not dedicate this child.” Somebody has to hold that man accountable for his actions.

It’s time that men hold their “boys” accountable. Actor Hill Harper had a friend who once said that he hadn’t seen his child in some time, but he found time to play basketball with Harper. Hill said, “Unless you call your child now, we can’t play ball.” See, Hill had to force him to accept his responsibilities.

I’m down for men holding other men accountable.  Not sure how I feel about pastors refusing to baptize kids.  It’s not the kid’s fault the parents don’t get along and the dad wants to disappear.

I mean we even got kids trying to hold their dads accountable.  Al B. Sure’s son wrote him two public letters, and the fool still hasn’t even responded. lame.  ABS, do better dude.

But for real, I think men should hold themselves accountable.  I don’t know that I would want my dad to acknowledge me solely because his friends won’t ball with him anymore.  I want my dad around because he is my dad, because he loves me and because he wants to be there.

peace,
e.

I guess lucky for me, I can only find two. The most recent documentary I’ve seen is called “On the Downlow.”  this one is actually a documentary. I can understand why a man in the download would want to come out in a documentary but I’m thankful that I can watch it. The strange thing about the down low is that I think I been misinformed about what it was. The lady it was first rate on Oprah I thought that all down low men identified as street, but in this documentary they were all just in the closet.  I thought that all DL men considered themselves straight, but in the documentary most of them identified at least as bisexual. Another interesting fact was that they were all pretty feminine. So when they finally decided to come out to some friends it was not a surprise to any of them. So now I am a little more confused than I was before.

The way my friends talk about it it seems like you need to be afraid of all black men. But in the documentary all the men that were on the downloads were pretty feminine, and although that is stereotypical to assume that feminine man are all gay was true for the men in this film.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not advocating that all feminine men are gay or bisexual, but it was a relief to know that all the DL men aren’t parading around as super street hard-core manly men, and that it might be easier to spot a DL than originally was thougt.

I need to formulate my thoughts on this one some more.

e.

So I finally got around to watching The DL Chronicles and boy was it more than I expected.  The first season of the Here! TV show features the stories of 4 different men living on the down low.  It is written, produced and directed by Quincy LeNear and Deondray Gossett, it appears as if at least one was on the DL at some point in time.  Although I would argue that two episodes feature gay men who are in the closet as opposed to men on the DL, it is an interesting perspetive on men on the DL.

By far the most horrifying episode is that of  Boo.  Boo is the DL man that we are taught to be afraid of.  He is attractiv,  he is promiscious and he is HIV+. Yikes.  In the episode he lives with his girlfriend until she kicks him out, this seems to be a regular occurance.  When she kicks him out, he goes and lives with his God fearing mother.  He hangs with his boys on the stoop and makes fun of the flamboyant Jesse.  Boo’s mother knows her son is promiscious and accepts that, as his father was the same way.  She is just grateful that he’s not an embarrassment to her like Jesse is to his mother.  The uneasiness in his face explains part of the reason why he never talks to his friends about his sexuality.  In fact, the only people he seems to discuss this with are the other men he sleeps with.  At one point Boo explains “I’m not gay!” to which a naked man simply laughs.   It’s painful and frustrating.

There’s a really telling scene (clip 2) where Boo is smoking with Jesse and Boo says “I don’t know how you do it dude.”  Jesse simply replies, “Honey, it ain’t easy being me.  But it beats being somebody else.”  Understatement of the year.

Of course, you know how it ends.  A man Boo has slept with repeatedly (without a condom) ends up in the hospital and is diagnosed with HIV.  Boo refuses to believe this but eventually accepts it.  It’s assumed he is positive, but we never see Boo get tested, nor do we see him tell any of his many sexual partners that they should get tested as well.

The purpose of the show is not to scare women even more than they already are.  I think the writers are trying to create some empathy for the DL but to also be realistic with what is going on.  I definitely recommend checking it out.

peace,
e.

I just realized I never blogged about that fact that I’m headed back to school in the fall.  Right back to Columbia to get my PhD is social policy and policy analysis.   I thought I had a dissertation idea (well I do) but when I went to the open house and began talking with my homeboy who is already a candidate there, he gave a super amazing idea - or at least the beginnings of an idea - for what I think is an even better idea.  When I flush it out more I’ll share.

Ok that’s it.  I don’t know why I am up this early.  Back to bed for me.

peace,
e.

Entitled part 1 because I’m sure there will be many more of these.

And here we go again.  I feel like I’m constantly arguing with my peers about homophobia.  It always surprises me how educated people can be so freaking ignorant.  For the past week I had been arguing about bisexuality.  Among the gems thrown my way were: “There’s no such thing as bisexuality, once you have intercourse with someone of the same sex once you’re forever gay.” and “Bisexuality (and not homosexuality) is what is wrong in America.”  And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the Bible pushers.  I honestly just don’t think Jesus would love everyone but homosexual, I just don’t.  I don’t think God hates gay.  I don’t think homosexuality is a choice, and even if it was, I don’t think people should be controlling what others do in their bedroom.  I think gay marraige should be legalized and I think it will be within the next decade.

I think Black people especially need to get over their homophobia.  I believe men on the DL is such a problem because of homophobia.  I think if Black gay men could be out and accepted (at least in rates similar to the White community), I think there would be a lot less DL and more out (and happy) men.  In terms of bisexual men, there is little to no incentive to be honest.  I’ve met numerous women who flat out refuse to date a bisexual man, even if he was perfect in every way.  It blows my mind.  With all these women crying about being single and the lack of eligible men, how can we completely shut off a whole group of men.

</rant>

peace,
e.

Sorry I’ve been m.i.a., I’ve been finishing the second draft of my first chapter and deciding which PhD program to go to.

Anywhoo, during the madness of the past month I stumbled upon a TV show called Noah’s Arc.  Noah’s Arc is a Black gay sex and the city.  I cannot stop watching this show (on netflix, it’s totally off the air).   There are many things I love about this show.  For one, it features different types of Black men.  They don’t all look the same, they don’t act the same, they don’t the same, they don’t deal with the same issues. I love the diversity.  There’s the intellectual college professor who is a little uptight, there’s the super free spirit, who is a little too free with his body, there’s the mama/diva and then there’s the niave screenwriter.  The show deals with coming out, AIDS, homophobia, issues within the gay community re: acting feminine, gay marriage, childen, and of course relationships.

Another thing I love about the show is the way it portrays fathers.  *spoiler alert* When Chance and Eddie break up the first time, Chance keeps his commitment to Eddie’s daugher.  He made it a point to still be in her life.  The show doesn’t spend a lot of time on it, but I thought it was so important to show a Black man being commited to a child, especially one that was not biologically his.  In season 2 and in the movie, two other couples ponder adoption. I think this is so important as the dominant view of Black men and fatherhood is that it’s something Black men are afraid of and avoid.

The show is not perfect, the acting is not the best.  But the show is hilarious and really touches upon a lot of important issues, not only for the gay audience but the straight as well.  I encourage you to watch it on netfilix or logonline.com.

peace,
e.

i think he’s the funniest guy ever. and i’m loving the new vanity fair cover.